Agra Brasserie

It was a balmy Thursday night in August when we entered the deep abyss of the Agra Brasserie.

The waiter quickly led us to a table...15 mins later we were served with...our drinks.

Slowly sinking into a soporific drunken stupor, we waited...and waited...the world turned on it's axis, the moon rose into the heavens, we discussed the meaning of time, relativity, the meaning of an onion bhaji, the wooden veneer to the tabletops, the cold condensed water drops that dripped from our glasses.

We were in the moment, this was our opportunity to drink in one of Brighton's finest indian restaurants. We wanted authenticity, we wanted spices, we wanted the warmth of india, preferably in a spicy gravy. But no, the waitress walked out during the hour we waited for our food, the mood darkened, the crowd of hungry onlookers looked on as the 'staff' waited on empty tables, and our groaning stomachs.

Where was the chef? Did they have a microwave? Was Madhur Jaffrey available? These were legitimate concerns. Could our hosts cook a curry? Would a Jalfrezi ever taste the same?

After an eternity, or OVER AN HOUR, we gave up. This has never happened before. Sure we've sent food back, had the steak cooked a little more. The waiters are usually there to appease you when things go wrong, but not here. We were in the land of the lost.

Slowly one by one, or rather one table after another complained. The anger rose in the stomachs of the starved. Complaints ranged from 'lack of service', 'wrong food', 'no food', 'can I have a glass of water?' (I'm not exaggerating), 'food undercooked'. The list was endless.

On a reasonable humanist level I can feel for the staff, the chef, the owner. I've watched Gordon Ramsey and his 'Kitchen Nightmares'. I can understand the pressure. We've all been in tight situations. But I just wanted a nicely cooked curry, a simple Jalfezi would have done, all those spices, the roasted sweet peppers, the succulent chicken, the basmati rice, maybe a garlic naan? Aah one could only dream at the Agra!

What happened after our time was up? Well, we paid £12.50 for our bottle of white wine, and left to wander Ship street in search of food. At 10pm we found a local fish & chip shop, and hungrily watched as our 'meal' was cooked before us in a few minutes. We may have become stocious somnambulists searching for our starving stomachs, but here in amongst the chip fat, the smell of battered fish, we dived in and finally filled what the Agra held from without.

A few lessons were learn't here;

If the name of the sign of the restaurant is different from the menu, then worry.

If the walls are bare, and you see 'ghosts' of past frames imprinted in the wallpaper, then become concerned.

If the toilets downstairs are half complete and remind you of a Glastonbury field, then wash your hands thoroughly.

If your waitress is fired, or walks off after taking your order, then run.

Please save yourselves. If the above rings true. Then run forest run.
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Mr. Green
Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 0
Friday, August 20, 2010

Visted the restaurant on Friday for our office christmas party and was very disappointed. The food was expensive and did not taste like any other dish I had before. There was no atmosphere at all and the staff were very miserable. Serivce was poor. Would definately not recommend it.
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Nicky
Overall rating
Food 5 | Service 3 | Atmosphere 3 | Value for money 5
Monday, December 14, 2009

This really is the best Indian restaurant in town. Beleive me I've tried all of them! You can just tell at this place that all of the ingredients are good quality and very fresh and then cooked to perfection. Friendly service and great central location. *Highest Possible Recommendation*
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hb
Overall rating
Food 9 | Service 9 | Atmosphere 9 | Value for money 8
Friday, May 08, 2009

Great food! The vegetable starter for two was fantastic. The servace was incredibly fast, even though they were short on staff they were extremely helpful.

You owe it to yourself to check this place out!
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Robbie
Overall rating
Food 10 | Service 10 | Atmosphere 9 | Value for money 9
Sunday, March 22, 2009